That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
