For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
