I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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