bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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