My sheets look like a crime scene.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize