I have demons in me.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
