Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
