All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
