youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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