he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize