I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
