is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize