Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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