I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize