Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky đ
Liz Cheney wasnât exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying âYAS QUEENâ for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
