Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
