I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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