Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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