under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
