She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
