It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
