I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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