I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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