I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
