is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Barsexuality is the new black.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
