saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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