just come out here and I will go home with you...
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
