I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
