how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
