No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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