come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
