Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
