i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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