So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
