hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i think my mom watched the whole time
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Tornado booty call.. dedication
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
