I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize