I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
