i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
