its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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