For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
