I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
