and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
