I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
should my penis look like a turkey
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
