Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
