i was born a porn star she said
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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