hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
