So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
