I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
