just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
