wat bout pragnant strippers??
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
