Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
