At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
