It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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