yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
