So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
