Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize