just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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