Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize