He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize