I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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