yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
This is my gift to your gina
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
