I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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