new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I think i got beer on your cat.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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