sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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