I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You can't motorboat a personality
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
