Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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