Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
