i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
